Contradict..

i realised tat it is impossible to forget someone..
especially when u likes someone..
even loves..

the day for me isnt very gd..
everytime when i forced myself to do things wif full attention..
it doesnt seems to b success..

unfortunately, it got worst..
i must do something to occupy my time for now..
even a small thing could put me better..
at least when i do my works..
i felt tat i'm in the other world..

but when i'm all alone..
even when i'm in lrt going for work..
my mind is in chaos..
thinking of her again..

so wat did i do?
i took newspaper..
and try to read it eventhough the train is moving..
previously i wouldnt do so..
because reading books/newspaper while the train is moving..
could make me feel dizzy..
summor when the train brek suddenly, v could not stand still..

but tat is my only option..
hu ask me to invest all my cares in one girl..
and now..
i cant get bek my capital..

it's lik playing poker..
all in..
either u win everything or u lose everything..
unfortunately..
i lose everything..
at least i win bek a small token..
a frenship wif her..
but i also duno whether she wants to cont treating me lika fren b4?
or being worst - treating me lik a strangers..

i'm totally clueless..
i seriously need some motivation..
to get out of this troublesome i created for myself..

ppl say..
塞翁失马,焉知非福..
when bad things goes, gd things will come..
i admit tat this incident happened on me is bad..
but wat could b the gd things tat wil come?

loving a girl too deeply is the cause for this..
this caused so much pain for me..
but then if u don love someone deeply..
is tat called love?
will the girl feel secured without worrying the guy wil break up wif her one day in the future?
first contradict..

so which way?
love deeply or not?
i guess the ans lies within the girls..

some of the girls need guys full attention..
some of them prefer the guy giv them more space for their own activities..
which way again?
second contradict..

sometimes u make decision girls said u doesnt care for them..
but everytime when u ask the girls to make decision..
they blamed u for inefficiency in making decision..
third contradict..

there is more example to b listed..
but wat benefit i can get?
nothing..
so i stopped here..

all i understand now is every girl is diff..
every girl is unique..
their perception is different..
cant use one way to judge every girls..

but wat happened on me is unique oso..
i nearly got her..
and the end result is disappointing..
mayb i doesnt matched wif her?
mayb i'm not good enuf?
or mayb i wasnt the prince of hers?

all the guessing is useless..
since i haven reali let go of her..
the only option i left is putting myself into an illusion..
hoping tat i stil owned a hope, a chance..
i hope i have the izanagi ability lik the one in naruto..
can move ownself into an illusion..

wateva happens in the future..
no one can predict..
人在做,天在看..
as long as i contribute..
i think i would received rewards..

let's put everything bek to origin and try once more..
if i still fail..
tat's my fate..
命中注定..
怨不得别人..

there is two ways to live..
one is happy way..
another is sorrow path..
isnt it good if i can live happily and cont to live wif hope?

hope tat me 早日得到美人归..
^^

ps. get well soon~