40th day..

I cant believe..
tat it reached 40 days le..
kinda of shock for me..
being able to count it from the first day til 40 day itself..
doing something similiar everyday for continuous 40 days..
isnt easy..
i did it..
but this is not a gd things to b proud of..

u must noe..
y i count??
i wanted to remind myself..
c when only i can let go..
but i count til 40 le..
it's one month plus..
stil..
i cant get used to it..

in these 40 days..
a day without thinking u is countable..
i can even use my finger to count for it..
i think one hand is enuf..

yest have a long chat wif flower..
wat she said might b correct..
wat she said might b wrong..
but she said bout one thing which made me think it make sense..

mayb she(another she) juz wan me to stop..
but i told her(flower) tat instead of making me stop..
it makes me suffer..
lik hell..

i duno y i kinda very 'gek' when chatting wif yihua..
mayb this is my first time pouring out the important things ba..
not all..
but all i said is main point..
i haven do this to my current prob yet..

normally when i face prob i wil voice it out to any victim i caught..
and later on i wil seek for advice..

this thing happened for one month le..
but i only voice it out to my mei only..
beside tat, no one even care to noe..
or i shud say, they don hv time for me to pour..
they r so busy!!
moreover, i work they study!!
mana ada masa untuk saya?

so yest nite i was so 'gek' d..
then she says bout something..
i lagi gek..
i duno y..
ppl received oso don wan received..
i giv oso ppl don wan received..
yihua, u und wat i said rite?

one thing is she said she envy me..
no one appreciate me..
haih..
yihua yihua..
if u say til i'm so gd..
y i don have a long queue out there de?
don ans me : "ur time not yet come le"
i rmb i told u yest tat everyone said tat to me..
in the end?

haih..
these two days i sink again..
wil float out to breath b4 i sink unintentionally again..

ps. i miss you..